All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think a kid would responsible me up
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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