you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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