So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I pour the whiskey from now on
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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