I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
