Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
