Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
