I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
