nut hugger
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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