She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
ttyl tear gas
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
