Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
