a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
