Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so let's talk penis.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
