If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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