Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
