I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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