This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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