if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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