I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
