So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
