i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
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I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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