Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
