by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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