dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
