Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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