Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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