I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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