and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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