dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
