worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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