The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
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just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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