I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
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I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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