nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize