I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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