I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
