i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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