"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
