all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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