if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
