My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
