Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
