I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
