Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
