I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
