When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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