he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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