im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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