you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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