we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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