C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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