Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
