Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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