Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i came on her dog
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
