I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
