If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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