I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
