so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
