You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize