I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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