i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
