if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
