why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize