Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Never joke about your clitoris.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
